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Tuesday, 6 January 2015

Neoscream's Life: New Year's Week 2014/2015

Season One Corporation Team
Welcome to the Neoscream's Life post. This is a weekly post of some of the things I have done during last week and news on the great Geek Goddess, AJ. First off the new opening photos. I have decided to do DreadBall teams. Now with images of nineteen teams, with more to come. This should keep me going for at least four months. There will be one or two photo per team (two if I have a painted version).

“A Look Back to 2014 and Forward to 2015”

2014 was a mix year for me, but sadly over all a bad year sadly. Let us start with the good things to happen. I pass my course that I started in 2013. I won two DreadBall Tournaments which led to me winning the Guardians of Tyr’s DreadBall Champion. I won the only Guardians of Tyr’s Zombicide Tournament with flying colours. And I won the painting side of the Warmachine/Hordes league for a second year in a row.

The Cyber Tech Primers
Now to the bad things of 2015. Work has been hell due to several things. I will not be going into detail as it seems to just make things worse writing about them in MY diary (this post) as people are NOT reading the whole thing. An example of this was when I was talking about a recurring nightmare (dream) about work I have been having and everyone at work (and a friend) read it that I was bitching about work and them, while I clearly stated that it was a nightmare. And I have done terrible in the Warmachine/Hordes Tournaments. I thinks I have only won one game.

Also readers of this blog will know that I have been having some emotional problems (that is not being helped by work). I will not be going in to detail over everything as I have written them in the past, but here is a somewhat brief (nearly two pages of writing) look of it:
Sub-Zone from Mortal Komat
About mid-2014, the manager of the store back then had a house party. A friend/former work college Marisa invited me to party. I was a bit reluctant to go at first, but then she said that she wanted me to come to keep her and Angel company at the party. (I had been stopping using "the Angel’s real name, however with this post as I am doing a lot of writing about her here and it will be much easier to read and write using "Angel" as a place holder name than something like “the girl I have/had a crush on”. If I ever talk about her again in the future I will use “Angel” as her name for ease of writing.) Beforehand I really liked/cared for the Angel, but I never thought more about it due to the sheer age difference between us and her age. There was a bit of her that reminds me of an old crush, a girl I know online as AraWhisper (sadly she is no longer around). Hearing the request from Marisa made me feel like I wanted to be a knight in shining armour for Angel. I also wanted to see what the real Angel looked like as I can only really remember seeing her in uniforms. I agreed to go and then a feeling of nervousness hit me which was followed by a realisation, I had fallen for her. Damn it. This all lead to depression and hating myself. My friends and family had help picked me up out of this downer. Marisa and another co-worker/friend told me that she had had a boyfriend that might be serious, so I know that if the age difference could be ignored, there likely to still be no chance as she was taken already. Because of this I just want to be good friends with her. She says we are friends and I have asked her a couple of times if I seem annoying to her just let me know. However it does not feel like this is the case and I do not know if I can trust what other people who are friend to both of us have been saying too. People I have been told by others that she does not like, she is super chatty and friendly to them and it does not feel like she is pretending. People who tease her like hell (so are being friendly) she treats as good close friends. People who are kind to her and want to be helpful, she avoids like the plague, but she “says” there are friends (like me). I really want to have a private word about it with her, but I know that it will course the other co-workers to wind up her and I do not want to upset her. This whole thing is driving me crazy. Here are the thoughts that go through my head over all of this (I cannot think of a better way to put this):

  • I have strong feelings for her and really care for her. However I have an odd feeling that my feelings for her could be my feelings of loneliness as I never had a girlfriend and it really is getting to me getting mixed up with how I care for her.
  • I know nothing can ever happen and that anything would not work as we are for different worlds. She does not ever know who Sub-Zone for Mortal Kombat is. There is a part of more that feels like “Never Give Up”, “Where there is a will, there is a way” and “Follow you dreams”, but I know I cannot feel like that. However I will like if I give up on that I am giving up, I will always give up. I know that is stupid.
  • It feels like she treats me worse than what I would treat my worst enemy and it feels like if I collapsed in front of her she would not even batter an eye. It feels like this as whenever I have a problem (feeling super down normally) she avoids me even more than normal and says nothing, while EVERYONE else (even people I do not get alone with) do ask me what is wrong. According to Marisa it is because Angel does not know what to say or to do, but like I said earlier I do not know if I can trust what Marisa says as she could just be lying to me to comfort me.
  • Can I trust what other people who are friend to both of us say about her? One says that there are people that she really does not like, but she is super friend to them when I am around. She might be putting up a front, but it seems too nice to be that. And the other one says that she is having problems with me, but I have asked her in the past to let me know. Maybe she is not saying it to me as she does not want to hurt my feelings (or talk to me). I just do not know. I 
  • I just cannot understand her most of the time. Why treat people who are nice to you like crap but a say that you are “friends” and be super friendly to people who treat you like crap and teases you? It really get me passed off with her, but I cannot hate her due to her fantastic, wonderful bright smile.

It all just really gets me down and mixed up and my social skills due to my Dyspraxia are not helping. In fact she had made me really cry for the first time in ten to fifteen years. I could not even cry when my Nanny (the only grandparent I really knew) die or at her funeral what I really wanted to do. It is her fantastic, wonderful bright smile and her quirky laugh that really attracted me to her, OK and her butt which you barely see due to the way see wears her uniform. Have I felt this strong about anyone before? I do not think so. The Geek Goddess AJ was super close, there was a girl from sixth form I found as hard to understand and I do really miss AraWhisper. Writing about this has really gotten to me down. I know I am a sad case, I am 32, I have never had a girlfriend, I have never been on a date, I have never had a Valentines (apart from one or two jokes when I was in my mid-teens), I still live with my parents (however with the fact I am feeling depressingly lonely, it is a good thing that I am still leaving with them). It is the loneliness that is that is getting to me. I have good friend and parents (well mother), but it does not stop me feeling lonely at night or wanting a special someone in my life to make them happy and to make me happy.

Over all emotional, 2014 has been a terrible year, but with gaming it has been a good year. Instead of doing New Year’s resolution I am just doing thinks I am hoping to do/happen for 2015.

  • Get a better job. Get away from the staff, stupid new rules and Angel (sadly). To get paid better. To use my IT skills and get some better respect.
  • Get back on relearning Java.
  • Get round to doing the real A+ exam.
  • Try online dating to try to find a girlfriend. The only problem with this, is whole Angel thing, as I need to get my head strait, again. I really do think we need to have a private chat to sort things out. But is that a good idea?
  • Have a better year in 2015 than 2014. Hens the new post ending for this year “hope for a better tomorrow”.


Now to the week. On Tuesday I went to Simon’s with Darren H and Richard for some game. I gave Simon and his family their Christmas gifts from me and Roxy. Because of this his youngish daughter knows who I am. I do not know If this is a good thing or not? LOL. Well anyway it was a good (long) day out.

On New Year’s Eve I went to Jake’s New Year’s house party what had a HUGE turnout and I did not loss my phone this time (which I did two years ago). It was great sending time with my friends. I just hope I can find a special someone this year to make the next one better.

"AJ and the WWE"

Sadly there was still no AJ last week. If the is no news of AJ by Friday, I will move the "Painting and Converting" section from the "Gaming News from Neoscream" to here.

“Watch, Listen and Read”

Brought and Received: A dice bag and a wash.

WLR: Nothing.

New Year’s Eve
Watched: Part of that week's episode of WWE Raw.

New Year’s Day
Watched: The rest of that week’s episode of WWE Raw, episode 9 of the Flash, two past episodes of the Gadget Show and the Lego Movie.

Brought and Received: New pair of work shoes and parts one and two of the Beasts of War 2014 Gaming Awards.

Watched: That week’s episode of Smackdown and part three of the Beasts of War 2014 Gaming Awards.

Watched: Episodes 1 to 3 of Cardfight Vanguard G, the finals of the Beasts of War 2014 Gaming Awards and that week’s episode of Weekender XLBS.

Still in the post or soon be should
The Xmas Special Pinup Twilight Knight.

Until next time, hope for a better tomorrow.