Welcome to the Neoscream's Life post. This is a weekly post of some of the things I have done during last week and news on the great Geek Goddess, AJ.
Before I go onto what happened this week, I really need to going into more detail on the problems I have been having. As you may already know I have this massive crush on this girl. Sadly I cannot do anything about it due to her having a boyfriend and there are also several other problems too that I never talked about here. These problems were that she was a lot younger than me (but legal here) and that she is a coworker.
It started about a month and a half ago. Well I liked her beforehand, but never thought much about it. I was always helpful, a little protective and she remind me a little of a person I use to know online and had a crush on called AraWhisper (formerly CandyWhisper). Well anyway, the store manager, Manjit, was having a party. I had not been invited and I was not planning on going as it felt like it was meant to be an Asians only thing. But then a good friend and work colleague of mine, Marisa, asked me to come to keep her and the girl I developed a crush on company. (To protect her I will not be saying her name here or on Facebook post and I would like it that people who know who it is or can guess who it is to not say her name in pubic chat.) Two things made me want to go. The first was the want of being a Knight in shinning armour to help and protect the girl. And the second was to see her outside work and in something that was not a uniform. After work while I was getting ready I realised I really had feelings for her. For about a week and a half, the age difference had me really down and hating myself. I felt like I was close to having a nervous breakdown. I arrange an emergency get together on the 6th of August with my mates Richard and Jake. Speaking to them and to Marisa did help back then. I no longer hated myself, I knew that I could not help how I feel and does age really matter. I made a couple of inquiries, but not asking her directly, to find out what she thought of me and if she was single or not, so I would not do anything embarrassing. What I got than was that she thought I was sweet and she was in a strong relationship. If you have been reading the "Neoscream's Life" post lately you know what happened since then. If you have not been reading, please read the previous two "Neoscream's Life" posts.
Since the past Friday, things seem to be going fine, but silent. Then on Wednesday night I received a message from her on Facebook messager saying "Your a lot older than I am so I don't think it’s a good idea us talking." (Please note all the messages have been, hopefully, rechecked/edited for spelling and grammar.) This was a massive change from last Friday night. I replied "Oh. :( Why does things always have to be so complicated?" There was no reply, but I expected that. I was terribly upset and posted on Facebook "Why does life fucking sucks?" I went to bed early. For once in a long time (maybe even over ten years) I cried properly, not just a tear or two. I laid in my bed crying for two hours. I could not get to sleep.
Ever out of being upset or angry I then sent this message to her "Sorry. I have to say this. Who fucking cares about age? I have beeping fallen badly for you. I know I can't do anything about it as you have a boyfriend. I just wanted to try to be friends and be able to talk to you to try to break my shyness around females, especially ones I have feelings for. If I can't even do that, there is no way I can get a partner in life and if I can't do that what is the point in living!" It was how I felt. Was it too strong or not? I do not know personally, but the age part was needed to be brought up because people of our age difference and more do talk to one and other. Heck most of the management at work are about my age and she chats to them a hell of a lot more than to me.
On Facebook several people asked me what happened so I replied "There is this girl I have fallen badly for. Sadly I know I can't do anything about it as she has a boyfriend on top of a problem of an age gap. I try to be just good friends with her to try to break my shyness around females, especially ones I have feelings for. But then today she basically said we can't talk anymore as there is an age difference. I am 32. I have never had a girlfriend in my whole life. If I can't even be able to talk to a female I am interested in, there is no way I can even get a girlfriend. If even get a girlfriend there is no way I be able to have a family of my own in the future and if I can't do that what is the point in fucking living." Followed up with "I'm fucking 32 and I have not even gotten a single girl. Most (OK I did say “all” by mistake) my friends are ever in relationships, getting married or have already have family. I am just at a loss of what to do. I just don't have the confidence and to shy."
As I was writing these replies on Facebook, she replied to my message with "Well I'm a lot younger than you are, you’re the same age as my parents so if you want to feel comfortable around speak to girls that are your age." She then blocked me on Facebook. The way it was going I was not shocked about the blocking as the way this u-turn from her was going. I have a feeling that whatever I said would have led to it. But I was hurt by the way she said "You’re the same age as my parents". It felt like she was saying it was a normal thing. It almost felt like she was calling me a “has been” and made me felt like live was not worth living anymore as I was far too old to even have a family. OK I know she did not meant it that way, but it still hurt.
It is just not normal for someone my age to have children of her age. I am not saying that her parents are not and I am not saying it does not happen, as I have a cousin that is about a year and a half older than me who has a kid her age. I am just saying it is not a normal thing that happen. (In fact as I was writing this I checked the average age of first time fathers and mothers and in was 32 and 30.) Plus the fact that I am old enough to be her father (well not really as I was not even 16 when she was born) does not mean we cannot talk as friends.
Well anyway I barely got about three hours of sleep that night, even while I was in bed for over twelve hours, which includes the time I was on Facebook as well. Thanks to good friends, I managed to get through the next day. In fact Marisa did contact the management to let them know what was happening. Luckily she was not in that day as she went back to just working weekends from that week. This also did help make the day go better. However she worked both Friday and Saturday which really made things difficult, especially when I did not expect her to be working the same time I was on Friday. I tried my best to avoid her and I did not speak to her and the other member of staff of her age at all.
I do not hate her for what she said and done at all, but it does really hurt. Every time I think of her, see her, see/hear/think her name, see her smile, hear her voice or laugh tares me apart again, as I still have major feelings for her, but after Wednesday I know I cannot have them. I just have to somehow get rid of my feelings for her and quickly. I do not have the opportunity of just giving it time to just go away. Luckily I have the 14th to the 21st off work and I have until the 26th or the 27th until I see her next (unless she pops in early). So I have almost two weeks to get over her. Let’s hope for the best.
On Raw last week AJ was in tag team action. She was teaming up with Paige against the team of Natalya and Rosa Mendes. Paige would not tag AJ into the match, however Paige got to close. AJ grabbed her hair to pull her in and then AJ slaps her across her chest tagging herself in. AJ walked right over to Rosa who was recovering from Paige’s beating and slapped on the ‘Black Widow’ Rosa who quickly taps out giving AJ and Paige the win. This led to both AJ and Paige kissing to Divas Championship.
On Smackdown last week AJ was on commentary during the match between Paige and Summer Rae. Layla was at ringside for Summer. Paige used AJ’s move the ‘Black Widow’ to win the match. As Paige was about to leave the ring, Layla came in from the other side of the ring looking like she might be trying to get revenge for her friend Summer, but before she can AJ come out of nowhere a grabs her arm and kicks Layla in the gut. Paige stopped wondering what AJ is doing. AJ then grabbed Layla again and used Paige’s move the ‘Paige Turner’.
"Night of Champions"
This coming Sunday (Monday morning in the UK) will be the next WWE Pay-Per-View, Night of Champions. Here are all the matches revealed so far. To be honest I do not think there will be more.
There is John Cena verses WWE World Heavyweight Champion Brock Lesnar for the title. I am cheering and hoping for Cena to win.
Next there is the match between Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins. They will have (well had) a match this week on Raw, so this will be a rematch.
Then there is a match between Chris Jericho and Randy Orton. Go Y2J.
Next the Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler will face The Miz in a title match. Say bye bye to the money maker.
Then it is WWE Tag Team Champions The Usos verses the team of Gold Dust and Stardust (The Rhodes brothers). I have a vision of gold on gold in the future.
Next the United States Champion Sheamus will defend his title against Cesaro. This will be a great match, but I will be cheering for Sheamus.
Now for the best for last, Divas Champion Paige will defend AJ’s title against Nikki Bella and the rightful Divas champion, the Geek Goddess, AJ Lee. You should be able to tell who I am cheering for. However I still have a feeling that Brie Bella will be added to the match or will interfere in it somehow.
“Watch, Listen and Read”
Watched: Episode 3 of season eight of Doctor Who, last week’s episode of BBC’s Click, part of this week’s episode of WWE Raw.
Received: Ten Kick Ass 2 HeroClix figures.
Watched: Rest of this week’s episode of WWE Raw.
Watched: Amazing Spider-Men 2.
Watched: This week’s episode of Weekenders.
eBay: Won a Menoth Monolith Bearer and a Cygnar Squire.
Watched: Episode 4 of season eight of Doctor Who, this week’s episode of Weekenders XLBS and this week’s episode of WWE Smackdown.
eBay: Won a Menoth Holy Zealot unit.
Still in the post or soon be should
Robotech RPG Tactics Wave One.
A Menoth Monolith Bearer.
A Cygnar Squire.
A Menoth Holy Zealot unit.
"Wargames Workshop MK Warmachine/Hoard League 2014 Painting Challenge Day 1 of 28"
This will be a new, most likely day post on how my painting is going for the Painting contest side of this years Warmachine/Hoard League . I will be posting a daily photo of what I have done the previous day if I have done anything. On days (like today) where I have a major post, I will include this with that post. Today's photo is of what I have planned to paint first. You may noticed some non Warmachine figures there. These are there to break things up a little so I do no get board of just painting Warmachine. Oh and the painted light Warjack is only there as a example of my Menoth colour scheme.
Until next time, Keep Rolling.